Bedtime routines for babies and toddlers

A bedtime routine is a few calm steps done in the same order every night, ending with your child in bed while still awake. The CDC’s example is “brush, book, bed,” and the AAP suggests starting a calming routine early.

It does not need to be elaborate. It needs to be the same.

Why a routine helps

The CDC says routines help children feel safe because they know what to expect. Bedtime is where that matters most: the end of the day is the moment a small child is most tired and least keen to stop.

The AAP makes a similar point about the whole day. Regular mealtimes, naps and play help children feel secure, and it says they make bedtime go more smoothly too. The AAP also suggests keeping the same wake-up time on weekdays and weekends, which is the part of the advice most likely to be met with a groan from the adults.

A routine also takes the decisions out of the evening. Nobody has to negotiate what happens next, because what happens next is what always happens next.

Drowsy, not asleep

For babies from about 4 months, the AAP’s central suggestion is to put them down drowsy, before they fall asleep. That way falling asleep is something they learn to do on their own, in their own bed.

The AAP explains why this matters later in the night. A baby who is always rocked or held until asleep may find it harder to settle again after waking, because the thing that got them there is no longer happening. It also suggests not rushing in at the first cry, since babies need time to settle themselves and learn to fall back asleep. Feeding, a dirty diaper or comfort when they are unwell are still reasons to go in.

The routine is what makes drowsy-but-awake workable. The steps wind your child down, and the last step is being put in bed.

A short, repeatable order

The CDC suggests keeping routines short, because toddlers and preschoolers have short attention spans, and building them around what your child can do. Its sample evening runs through brushing teeth, pajamas, cuddles and lights out. Calm activities such as a bath, books or music can help children settle, it adds.

A routine many families use, drawn from those lists:

1. Bath, or a wash
2. Pajamas
3. Brushing teeth
4. 1 or 2 books
5. Cuddle, lights out, into bed awake

The CDC also suggests adding something your child enjoys to make a routine more appealing, such as a favorite bath toy. The exact steps matter less than doing them in the same order.

If a step has to change, the CDC suggests introducing it when your child is calm, explaining why, and saying whether the change is temporary or for good.

Keeping nights boring

The AAP suggests staying calm and quiet at night: no stimulation or waking during night feeds and diaper changes, and speaking softly if you speak at all. Save the interesting parts for the day. Talking, reading and playing during the day are on the same AAP list.

For the room itself, the AAP suggests:

• dimming the lights before bed
• keeping the bedroom at a comfortable temperature
• keeping toys out of the bed
• keeping TVs, tablets, computers and phones out of the bedroom, especially at night
• turning screens off well before bedtime, and building in some downtime instead of a packed evening

It is fine for 3 a.m. to be the dullest moment of everyone’s day. That is the point.

The same routine at the grandparents’

The AAP suggests routines that work anywhere, so your child can settle when you are away from home. Short, portable steps travel better than a routine that depends on one particular bath or one particular lamp.

When a grandparent or sitter is doing bedtime, the CDC’s advice about consistency applies: children do best when the response is the same every time, from every adult. Write the order down, including the small details your child will absolutely notice if they are skipped. When Trisha stays with Jo, Priya leaves the same 5 steps, the same 2 books and a note on which song comes last.

For babies, the safe sleep basics stay the same wherever they sleep. The AAP’s guidance is on the back, for every sleep, until 1 year.

Sources

• Getting Your Baby to Sleep — HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)
• Tips for Relying on Routines and Rules — Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
• Healthy Sleep Habits: How Many Hours Does Your Child Need? — HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics)

This is educational information from public sources, not a replacement for advice from your child’s healthcare professional.

In Withya, Care shows the next adult when sleep began, so the routine survives a handover.